Weekly Devotional
WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL: Start With Me! As You Stand For Marriage Restoration
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” - Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV) Now that we know nothing is impossible with God, let’s talk about the first miracle that God desires to do to bring restoration to your marriage. He’ll give you awareness of any offensive ways and work to deliver you. As you’re standing for the restoration of your marriage, it’s easy to focus solely on your spouse’s actions and how they left. You may feel wronged, hurt, and even betrayed. It’s easy to lay blame at the feet of your partner and demand they change their ways. But in pursuing a restored marriage, it’s essential to start with yourself. God’s Word tells us to pray, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23-24. This prayer is a profound starting point for anyone standing for their marriage. It’s an invitation to the Holy Spirit to examine your heart, thoughts, and actions to reveal any areas where you may have contributed to the breakdown of your relationship. This part of the verse really convicted me: “See if there is any offensive way in me.” During our marriage, there were plenty of times I was guilty of being offensive to Christine. I tried to excuse it and genuinely thought my actions weren’t as bad as she believed. But I cannot deny that I played a substantial part in the suffering that Christine experienced during our marriage. Even when I began my stand for my marriage, I was quick to point fingers at Christine. I believed she was 100% at fault and misguided in her reasons for leaving me, and I was convinced that if she would just change and get “healed,” everything would be okay. It didn’t take long for God to show me that this mindset was not only unhelpful but also destructive. You must remember that standing for your marriage isn’t just about praying for your spouse to change. It’s about allowing God to change you. Jesus instructed us to love our spouses as He loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Yes, that’s a tall order, but God made it abundantly clear to me that I fell short of that command. He would not allow me to treat Christine in a less loving way than He does. It wasn’t until after Christine left that I came to understand the gravity of this command. I recognized I hadn’t cherished Christine as Christ does the Church. I had been selfish, neglectful, dismissive, authoritarian, and, at many times, simply unloving. It was difficult and humbling to admit this to myself, but it was also liberating. I believe it was the very thing that opened the door for God to begin the transformation in our marriage. It had to start with me! Please know that starting with yourself doesn’t mean you take all the blame for your marriage or ignore all the issues your spouse may create. Most importantly, it means approaching reconciliation with a spirit of humility and a willingness to change yourself. As you pray, “Search me, God,” know that you’re inviting the Holy Spirit to shine a light on all the areas of your heart that need renewal. This can be a painful process, as old wounds and unhealed scars might come to the surface. But it’s fundamental for growth and, ultimately, for the healing of your marriage. One thing to be mindful of is that as you lean into this personal purging, don’t partner with shame for past mistakes or beat yourself up over your failures. Own them, confess them to God, receive His forgiveness, and then walk in the freedom that “God remembers your sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). Please know that there is a good possibility that your spouse might not “remember your sins no more” and indeed remind you repeatedly of all your past mistakes, but God does not! Have faith that a day is coming when your spouse will eventually walk in this revelation, but in the meantime, just walk in the simple reality that you are forgiven and are being made new! Remember, you can’t control your spouse’s actions or choices, but you can manage your own. By allowing God to work in your heart and life, you’ll become a more loving, compassionate, and understanding partner. This transformation within you will have a profound impact on the dynamics of your marriage, even if your spouse doesn’t immediately respond or even see it. If the Holy Spirit can speak to you about all the areas requiring change, then He can certainly speak to your spouse about developments that are occurring. Trust that God will somehow show your spouse what He is doing in you at the proper time. Today, as you pray for a shift in your marriage, start with yourself. Pray the words of Psalm 139:23-24 regularly. Seek God’s guidance, confess your shortcomings, and let Him lead you “in the way everlasting.” Trust that as you change, the atmosphere of your marriage will change too. God is in the business of restoration, and He begins by transforming the hearts of those who seek Him. So please don’t read today’s devotion as just a lever to pull so you can get your spouse back. Allow the Holy Spirit to search you in such a way that He converts you into a greater representation of Jesus. This is truly the beginning step to standing supernaturally!
